young and naive

Us.

2011-08-25T13:18:00.000-07:00

Me and my boo...This was taken one night at a birthday party...We were dancing and decided to photograph this very passionate moment...

The Weekend..

2011-08-22T11:25:00.000-07:00

So sad that it is Monday, but glad that I have time to reflect on the weekend here at my job...

on Saturday my little brother Stephen, who is staying with my grandma down in La Mirada, came to spend the day with me and Mark in Los Angeles. I was so excited because I have ridiculous amounts of pride for Los Angeles, and I was so excited to kind of "show off" this city to him...He is such a little country mouse, and has no idea how awesome LA is! Mark and I put a lot of effort into entertaining people. Mark gives people such amazing attention when he is entertaining. He is so good at taking care of people! We planned on going to Beverly Hills and Rodeo Drive to start, which is pretty much my favorite part of Los Angeles, and then get dinner somewhere fun and maybe see a movie since its LA after all, and movies are a big deal here! We also had to pick up a jacket for Mark at Brioni, so we were killing two birds with one stone!

So we spent a few hours in Beverly Hills...Stephen was pretty much far from amused and I was so disappointed! I thought he would be dazzled by all of the glitz and glamour...I even saw Rachel freaking ZOE! That was another tragedy because I was walking with my boyfriend and my brother when I saw her standing before me and neither of them had even heard of her, and I was left alone to celebrate by myself. Nothing is worse than being able to share an exciting moment with someone! Mark really tried, but my brother was there so he had to play down his enthusiasm to protect his manhood.

Anyways, we stopped at Brioni and picked up a fabulous new jacket for Mark...I will have to post pictures sometime. I love going to Brioni. It truly is the finest place to go for menswear. Everything is handcrafted and handstitched in Italy. I don't normally see any women's clothes that I like there, but I was mesmerized with a particular jacket that I found...It was Chinchilla Fur! It was a deep beautiful wintery green, and it was the softest fur I've ever laid my hands on! I was simply astounded. I tried to find a picture of it online, but its not there...Ahh and i just saw a picture of a Chinchilla! They are such adorable creatures I'm not sure I could wear such a thing...But I guess it is already dead...

After Brioni, we headed back to Santa Monica to drop off Mark's clothes and then headed to Universal City to see a movie. We ended up not seeing a movie but going out to eat instead and just talked for the rest of the evening.

I really enjoy my younger brother. He is so insightful and bright. He is extremely easy going and yet very passionate about his beliefs and direction in life. He is the type of person who is just nice to have around because he only adds positive energy and happiness to any situation. He is so kind and loving. He has always been labeled as the "Golden Child" because of how good he is! Mark and him get along really well because they both are interested in computers and science and enjoy talking about those nerdy subjects.

I really hope Stephen gets into a Medical School out here and decides to go to school in LA! I would be so incredibly pleased to have him here. I really think my grandparents would also, because they live in Orange County and I don't get to see them often...

mom.

2011-08-15T16:39:00.000-07:00

Almost a year ago, my mom was diagnosed with lung cancer. My mother, the person of whom I am a smaller, more fiery version, was suddenly infected with the worst most despicable disease...and it wasn't even a consequence of any irresponsible behavior! She never smoked a day in her life, but apparently you can still get lung cancer! Who knew.

Before the diagnosis, she was fairly without symptoms. In October of 2010, she went to the doctor to identify the cause of back pain she was experiencing. She thought she pulled a muscle.

Learning this news was just really traumatic, and changed my life. For the first few weeks I would just wake up every day wishing it was all a nightmare. I became extremely withdrawn from most of my relationships and clung to those who mattered most to me...My family, my boyfriend, and my friend who's father died of cancer when she was in college...I didn't want to talk to anyone besides them...I didn't want anyone to act like they knew how I felt or tell me that they were sorry...even though that sounds selfish and rude, it was just such an intimately painful and frightening time, I didn't know how to deal with other people. Really only now after all this time is the first time I feel like I can write about some of those feelings and details.

So...Unfortunately, her lung was in really bad shape, but there was good news in that the cancer did not spread to anywhere else in her body. The cancer was advanced to a point that the option to remove the section of her lung containing the cancer was out of the question...But at least it was isolated within the lung.

The initial shock of the news was horrible, but she immediately began chemo-therapy and actually responded phenomenally. She went in every few weeks and the cancer shrank every time. All of her hair fell out, and she bought a wig. Her first chemo session went really well, and now she is in kind of a maintenance stage where she is still

I think all of us went through a phase where the news was so good each time she returned from the doctors that our concern for her health dropped, and our family kind of went back and acted like everything is okay...But it's not.

The scary thing is that there is no cure. There is no way to eliminate all of her cancer...Its just not possible right now. But there are miracles, and there is science, and I just hope that there is lots of time. I pray that she has enough time to be around for when the cure actually exists. If she could just hold out until then, then everything will be fine.

My mom has been so amazing this year dealing with this. And I'm not just saying that because she is my mom. She has not complained one time. She has not felt sorry for herself, her only concern is her family. It breaks her heart to lack the energy she used to have to serve her family in the way she used to serve us. That is really the only emotional reaction I have been able to notice. It is often apparent that she is in pain, but when I ask her if she is okay, she says that she is fine. She feels so guilty and frustrated, feeling like she has gone from being a servant to being the one who requires service. She feels like she is now a burden.

Although I am sympathetic to her frustrations, nothing could be further from the truth. My mom has been such an ideal patient, and we are beyond thrilled to provide her the little service that we can compared to how she has endlessly waited upon us. Thinking of this makes me cry every time because I realize how loving and selfless she is.

Anyways...those are some thoughts on my mom...

Trip to the East Coast

2011-08-01T11:23:00.000-07:00

Reminiscent

2010-10-08T10:45:00.000-07:00

I was looking through French Connection's dresses this morning, and I am so in love with this pink silk dress! I am often drawn to dresses that are vintage inspired, because I absolutely love the A-line...These dresses just epitomize femininity to me, and they fit the female body so well! Also, there is something really wholesome about A-line dresses, something pure and sweet. I love that.

One of my favorite Audrey Hepburn moments is when she won her Oscar for Roman Holiday. The dress she wore during that moment, is pictured above, and was designed by Givenchy. This dress just captures why I love Audrey Hepburn. She has an incredible figure, (although she was painfully thin), and the dress just fits her so beautifully. It was incredibly delicate and complimented her graceful nature perfectly. Audrey Hepburn was not only graceful in the way she walked and moved, but her entire being was graceful. Her speech and attitude towards her accomplishment was just so elegant, and humble. And the dress was a perfect match for her consistent style.

Back to my original point, however, I love the other dress pictured, because it reminds me of Audrey's Oscar Award dress. The boat neck, the delicate nature, the A-line...the skirt definitely varies from Audrey's, but its just so sweet.

La La Land! My FIRST PLACE!!

2010-03-08T11:29:00.000-08:00

So, to give a little update on my life, I moved to Burbank over the weekend. Apparently, I found out last night that Burbank isn't the "coolest" place to live, but how was I supposed to know? Whatever. I really like where I'll be living. I'm excited to live in Burbank. I'm near a lot of studios...Jay Leno's huge face will be near me(about 2 miles from my townhouse) and that in it of itself is sweet. I'm sharing the townhouse with two women...They are pretty cool, but I have a feeling that I will be living a pretty independent life in this particular living situation...Anyways, since I have my own room, bathroom, and I even have my OWN BALCONY. I've lived here a little over a week now and I've already encountered some interesting things in my hood.

First of all, the lady who owns the townhome is starting to sketch me out a little bit. She's asked me twice if there have been any suspicious people come to the house to look for her...uhh what? And then last night it got worse. She literally told me not to let anyone in the house who was asking for her because she "might not want to see them." All I can think of is...This woman's got to be in some major debt. I didn't ask any questions but it will be interesting to see whether or not anyone shows up at the door. What if its the police? I can't lie to them!

The best part about my new townhouse is that I have a rooftop balcony so I can go up there and either lay in the warm sun, or watch the beautiful Los Angeles sunset. Well make that two best parts: I also live in an amazingly beautiful neighborhood right next to a mountain full of multi million dollar homes, and seeing these homes and this neighborhood is both inspiring and entertaining! I like to go on walks and imagine the lives of those who inhabit these places....

Important lessons learned in los angeles!

2010-01-24T21:21:00.001-08:00

The first thing I've learned this weekend is: Republicans actually exist in the state of California...I went to my first "young republicans of Santa Monica" meeting on Saturday. The topic was The Second Amendment, you know, the right to bear arms. In order to emphasize the "arms' part, we went to a free archery lesson to start out our day. So, I also learned how to shoot a bow and arrow. Its actually not that difficult, and it fulfilled my fascination with Legolas from my favorite movie: Lord of the Rings. It requires about a thirty minute prep course, and extreme safety precautions...The instructor actually yelled at me once because I was giggling...I felt like a little school girl when he literally blurted "SETTLE DOWN" towards me in quite a bitter tone!(So embarassing)

Ultimately, the event was very good, and we proceeded to go to lunch afterwards. There was an intelligent discussion led by multiple individuals, and I met two wonderful people from England! So diverse.

So yeah..Republicans do exist in Los Angeles...shocking, I know! There seemed to be a pretty common consensus that their beliefs were kept secret among their peers...Which doesn't surprise me. I'm trying to get more politically involved this year, so it was good to begin with such a positive experience.

I also learned that going to the beach in January is perfectly acceptable. I went yesterday...and I think I even got somewhat of a tan. At least I got my fill of Vitamin D. I'm trying to wrap my mind around the concept of learning how to play beach volleyball. Is it just me or does anyone else have nightmares of playing volleyball in high school? It looks really fun, however, so I may attempt to overcome my fears.

Let's see. I also learned that Five Guys hamburgers have more calories than In-N-Out, but I still like Five Guys burgers a little bit more.

Finally, I learned that I am completely incapable of partaking in the Catholic communion tradition. I know it probably sounds silly, but I seriously cannot handle it. My boyfriend is Catholic so he urged me to attend mass this past weekend. We went to a church in Beverly Hills. I participated in Catholic communion once when I was nine years old, at a Catholic wedding. In response to nerves, I proceeded to drop the wafer on the ground and asked for a new one when the priest angrily responded "Consume it in thy mouth" repeatedly until I consumed the wafer...with its germs and all. Traumatizing, really.

I figured that after 14 years, I'd give it another shot. Nope. This time, I struggled with the wine part. I tried to dip my wafer in the goblet of wine. I guess that's not kosher in Catholicism. After I successfully did the whole cupping of the hands to receive the body of Christ, I headed towards the blood. The alter guy wanted me to actually drink from the goblet, rather than dipping(a common tradition in Protestant communion.) I wanted to dip. He wanted me to sip. Sip vs. Dip. I thought about sipping...but then I thought about the swine flu. I went for the dip, and experienced one of the most awkward moments of my life. The man's face was disgusted as he painfully tried to lift the goblet toward my mouth as I moved my hand toward the goblet with my wafer...all in slow motion. The tensions were rising...He was pressuring me to sip, but I just couldn't do it! I quickly dipped, and ditched. I couldn't even look back to see whether or not he reacted...I just dipped, ditched, and returned to my pew, completely hot and bothered. Totally awkward and completely inappropriate. Lesson learned- I will never take communion at a Catholic church again!

WHAT THE EFFFF

2010-01-20T10:34:00.000-08:00

Okay so, I was counting down the days until I could be back in the sunshine state. I packed all my clothes for warmer temperatures, preparing my mind for high 70s, clear skies, beaches, and perfection.

BUT I COME HERE, and its monsoon season. I am seriously looking out my window now, to torrential rain. Imagine a thunderstorm in Virginia in the middle of July--the ones that seem to magically appear then strike severely for about 15 minutes then moves on...yeah that kind of storm, but for hours on end.

I guess I should be glad that there is rain here, considering the dangerous drought that occurs each summer, but this is just ridiculous. Everything is flooding, land is sliding, homes are floating away, tornadoes are developing, and there is just too much rain. Hundreds of homes are being evacuated in certain parts of Los Angeles County. Its really a disaster. I had no idea how dangerous rain could be...but I guess anything is possible these days...

Back to Cali!

2010-01-13T09:29:00.001-08:00

Ever since I was a little girl, I've dreamed of moving to California. I am so enchanted with this state--with all it has to offer, and all of its wonders! I know it certainly lacks perfection in a very significant way, but the good always seems to overcome the bad for me, personally.

I was here in the fall doing a musical, and had such a positive experience that I vowed that I would return after spending Christmas with my family. Little did I know what an extreme challenge that would be!

But, with lots of hard work, blood, and tears,(literally speaking) I somehow managed to get back here.

I was offered a job back in December to work a full time day job. I also have the freedom to audition whenever I need to/want to. Its ideal--except I'm not making very much money, but at least I'm here!

Back on the "right" side of the country

2009-12-05T12:07:00.001-08:00

I'm snowed in. Its not even January! What's the deal, people? I was g-chatting a friend earlier and we both agreed that snow loses most of its appeal after graduating...So, here I am typing away some thoughts.

Coming back to the east coast has been an interesting adventure. I didn't realize how big of a change it would be. This whole bi-coastal lifestyle has turned out to be quite difficult, actually--who knew? Thank goodness for facebook and email and cell phones, but even still...relationships just aren't the same when you spend three months here then three months there. This is, however, the life I have chosen for myself, and I am trying to maintain it!

I have never realized how different DC is from LA until my return two weeks ago.

California dreams....crushed

2009-04-10T11:05:00.001-07:00

So, I recently arrived in the glitz and glamor that is southern california. Its a fascinating place.

I've kind of had secret fantasies of being a total "california girl" since I was like...seven years old. Being an authentic "california girl" includes: blonde hair, perfect body, tan skin, lots of money, sass, and blonde hair. Great aspiration, right? I know, I'm so deep. Anyways, I figured since I'll be here for a while(until the end of May) I may as well go all out.

So, I decided to dye my hair blonde. I've been a brunette all my life--and that has been the key component keeping me from being an authentic California girl!(well, one of them at least) I didn't want anything permanent...just like a scientific experiment to see what it was like. I've always been curious.

I went to my hair dresser, Marsha, here in orange county. I walked in, confident that she would do a remarkable color job...expecting a life changing experience. With incredible enthusiasm, I exclaimed "Marsha, I wanna go BLONDE!!!"

She didn't say anything but just stood there staring at me for about five painfully awkward seconds. "What?" I asked sheepishly...obviously my idea of going blonde wasn't sitting well with her.

She finally spoke. "I hate to break it to you, buuuuut you actually wouldn't look good with blonde hair. I'll give you some highlights but you would hate it blonde."

WHAT???!Before I could even defend myself, two other hair dressers simultaneously joined her force criticizing my little dream of blonde hair. "Yeah...she's an expert in color--you would hate it." Suddenly, I was so confused. Ten minutes ago I was anticipating a radical decision that would turn my life around...and now my dreams were coming to a catastrophic HAULT. Maybe she was right, maybe I would hate it...I mean, it would be a huuuge change....

...But I want the blonde hair for the pure sake of being blonde--I really do not care whether or not it actually LOOKED GOOD WITH MY SKIN TONE AND EYE COLOR. GEEZE MARSHA I"M PAYING YOU LOTS OF MONEY CAN'T YOU JUST DO WHAT I WANT??

Although my mind and little innocent heart were absorbed in a whirlwind of conflicting emotions, I was defeated by the "anti-blonde force" and settled for...measly stinking highlights! I mean, they look good...like really good...but I couldn't help be slightly disappointed.

So, after thinking the situation over and trying to be wise and mature,I visited the local Beauty Supply Store(theres one on every corner here) and literally bought my OWN hair dye. No one can stop me now! Not even you Marsha, and your little fleet of anti-blonde Nazis!

So, I'm going to re-highlight my hair today, and I really hope that I am at least somewhat successful...This is very dangerous and probably not a very good idea but I am determined. I dont really even know what I'm doing. Something with foil and a long metal thing literally called a "rat tail." YIKES.

Has anyone highlited his or her own hair who can offer some advice? Thanks!

OMG and I dreamed that I made out with Adam Lambert.....uhhhhhh

I am here.

2009-04-03T09:36:00.000-07:00

So, I'm in a show out here in SoCal--its called Footloose, maybe you've heard of it?! Its only one of the coolest 80s movies EVER!!! right? Kevin Bacon? Well, in the 90s, Footloose was produced as a musical, and it is a very fun, highly energetic masterpiece.

I have a very prominent role as..."A dancer." (heck yes!) I'm really excited. I will start rehearsing this weekend. I will be performing at the Camino Real Playhouse. Its a fairly small theatre in one of the most beautiful towns here in Orange County--San Juan Capistrano. Its Orange County's Oldest city. Its also the Equestrian capital of the west coast. Check it out here http://www.sanjuancapistrano.org/ What a cool little place! And I get to go down there every day, and perform there

So, for the next two months I will be here in Southern California, dancing, singing and reliving the rebellious 80s.

Anna Beth's Shower

2009-03-30T06:43:00.000-07:00

So, we threw a shower for Anna Beth! Our theme was Yellow and black and white. Here are pics from the event. It was quite a success :)

Definitely feel more cultured

2009-03-13T09:14:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, on my venture to become more cultured through activities specifically in the DC area, I went with my friend Andrew Mills to the Hirshhorn Museum And Sculpture Garden...Although I never really saw much of a sculpture garden.

After a few minor setbacks regarding the wearisome parking situation in DC during rush hour, we discovered a slightly obscure parking garage adjacent to the museum. We walked hurriedly through the chilly March air and finally made our way to the cylinder shaped brown building. In the way of the entrance to the museum stood a giant, lurking spider sculpture. I assumed its duty was to protect the museum from terrorists or perhaps even ignorant people, God forbid they may show. Fortunately, we snuck past the spider with ease and entered the building. Unlike other Smithsonian Museums, the Hirshhorn obtained a more bleak and barren environment. The interior was extremely simplistic and industrial in its design. The museum contains three floors, with uncluttered artwork that is embedded into the scene in a seamless fashion. I thought the museum designers successfully and creatively filled the space with art.

I was most impressed with the Louise Bourgeois exhibit. Bourgeois is a French artist who is 98 years old, and creates all kinds of art work. In a brochure that I snatched, her bio includes this phrase "Louise Bourgeois's career spans from the late 1930s to the present and encompasses an extraordinary range of ideas, images and materials. Motivated by insistent memories of her childhood, she seeks through her art to exorcise psychological traumas and to manifest her long struggle with anxiety, fear, anger, and insecurity."

Her artwork definitely impacted me, but it made me feel uncomfortable and depressed. The artwork was so richly dark, and indicated a very troubled psychology. There was on piece of art that literally depicted her desires to dismember her father's body and eat him. Like I said, troubling. I really appreciated her creativity though, and attention to detail. Her art really did make me think about society, and it was so cleverly arranged. An interesting part of the exhibit was the "art interpreter" Karen. Her job was to discuss the art and help viewers interpret his or her own meaning. I was expecting Karen to deliver answers and meanings behind one piece of art that consisted of a circle of various shaped mirrors. Instead, she pretty much asked me thought-provoking questions, and helped me conceive my own interpretation. I was probably way off. Although her work was eerie and slightly discouraging, I appreciated seeing all of it. I It is interesting to see how pain can be communicated through a tangible creation of colors and matter.

The weirdest art pieces were: The big naked man who sat in the corner....And the plush dolls sewn together in a very intimate manner. yikes. My friend liked that a lot...

The museum, overall, was decent--but I craved joy and happiness. I wanted my little heart to be filled with inspiration--not dinginess.

After walking around the museum, we headed towards Chinatown's Rocketbar. That lightened the mood. :) I wonder what our next venue will be!

By the way...Andrew literally made snack packs, using snack size ziploc bags and including an assortment of delicious treats. Unfortunately, the snacks had flavors that did not mix well with the other snacks...but my mind was put to ease when Andrew said "They all go to the same place."

Then he said that he wanted to go around punching all the hobos...or was that "homos"

Get Cultured...in DC....Cheaply

2009-02-16T08:47:00.000-08:00

So, I've recently discovered that I live in a city that is flourishing with enlightening experiences. I have grown up with the impression that Washington DC has a very "politically charged" environment...where the arts are brushed aside and government-esque things are put on the front burner. Well, since I've lived here(the DC area) I'm learning that there are, in fact, an abundance of artistic moments to observe. And, not all of them are high in price...which is good for me, as I have little funds at this unfortunate meager time in my financial history....

The problem with DC's culture...is that it is not easily accessible to average person. There are specific websites that are probably not regularly viewed that hold this information...But the artistic events are not widely advertised.

My goal is to write about some of these artistic, cultural events and sights and then write about them for your own personal benefit. If you are interested in joining me in this effort to become more cultured in DC for cheap, please email me or comment below.

I recently visited the National Museum of American Art.This museum celebrates the creativity of American artists including: Nam June Paik, Jenny Holzer, David Hockney, Georgia O'Keeffe, John Singer Sargent, Albert Pinkham Ryder, Albert Bierstadt, Edmonia Lewis, Thomas Moran, James Gill, Edward Hopper, and Winslow Homer. The museum was absolutely beautiful, and comfortable in size. It is not overwhelmingly large, I approached each room with leisure--ultimately viewing nearly 75% of the artwork in the museum.(I was only there for an hour and a half) There is a great variety in all kinds of artwork-from paintings, photography(including a giant 6 foot close up of Jack Nicholson's face)A whole section on Presidents, modern art...and wild and zany top floor. My brother and I walked up the winding staircase to quite a surprise. There was a giant map of the United states, consisting of televisions and neon lights. And I really mean "giant"--the map was about fifteen feet tall and thirty feet wide. Each state was outlined in neon lights and filled with televisions that varied in size. On each television screen was a repeating reel that communicated some kind of message relating to the state in which it was encapsulated. For example...Idaho had televisions streaming images of potatoes and prairie land. California's televisions played clips showing the beach, beautiful women, and Hollywood. The clips were brash and abrupt in their presentation. I believe this artistic creation was attempting to communicate how commercial and media-oriented our nation has become. Seeing the bright flashing lights from every direction, and hearing the hundreds of television screens blaring all different kinds of commercials and advertisements, made it difficult to focus, which was the point. The neon lights also revealed kind of an electronic, tacky but colorful and exciting vibe to the artwork. It led me to consider how easily distracted I become with different forms of media-such as the computer...blogging and such ;-) I don't think its negative, however, I embrace technology, media, and all those distracting electronic devices!

Anyways, my point is this: Going to this museum was a completely free experience, besides the inexpensive traveling fare on the metro. I was enlightened, exposed, and most importantly, cultured.

Valentines Day GONE WRONG

2009-02-13T12:52:00.001-08:00

So...tomorrow is Valentine's Day...I found out recently while listening to NPR that Valentine's Day is pretty much a pointless celebration. You know good ol' St. Valentine? Yeah well..HE GOT PUT TO DEATH. so...basically, we're celebrating the day that this really loving man(apparently) got executed! I find that shocking and lame.

Besides that irony, I actually really enjoy the holiday--shoot I will use any excuse to celebrate! Yes the teddy bears(especially Vermont teddy bears) and fattening cheaply packaged artifical chocolates...well, most of the Valentines Day products are really cheesy and tacky...Although I do admit to purchasing those red satin feathery handcuffs for one particular Valentines day...but that’s another story for another time.

Alright so now we have cheap/tacky products plus no real purpose behind this day...but I still think its kind of...nice and fun. I'm not expecting to receive any kind of romantic gift from anyone special this year...but I am reminded of last year...the Valentine's Day that ended my relationship with a particular gentleman who I happened to be seeing at the time.

Boys take note. This is a total "WHAT NOT TO DO" kind of situation when you find yourself in the beginning stages of a romantic relationship. In my opinion, the beginning is always the best...the flirtiness, the innuendos, the confusion and frustration...the whole ordeal mystifies me every time. Isn't it so fun?

Anyways...the mystication came to an abrupt GET THE HELLZ AWAY FROM ME last year on this date. I was dating this guy...and from the beginning he was really intense about pursuing me. We began dating the beginning of January so it had been about month since we even met...He wanted to prove his tender desires for me on the only day Cupid does NOT have off, but he went completely overboard. The weekend before Valentine's Day I had communicated to this particular guy that I was interested in cooling things down a little bit...I felt like he was going "too fast." I woke up on Valentine's Day morning, came downstairs to a dozen roses sent to my house and a package. I opened the package and there was a gift certificate for an entire weekend at a day spa...and it was a couples day spa! GROSS! I thought: how inappropriate--isn't that the kind of thing you get your WIFE?!! I mean, the gesture was thoughtful and sweet--but just way too premature...

Later on, he called me about every...30 seconds. OBNOXIOUS. Luckily he never said "i love you," but kept telling me how much he "really really really really really really really liked me..." once again..OBNOXIOUS.

I had a basketball game to dance at later on in the evening, and without telling me...he showed up in the audience....I didn't really want to see him that much, but feigned a grateful demeanor for him driving 2.5 hours to see me for one night. After the basketball game, he smothered me with overwhelming kisses and hugs that truly embarrassed me in front of my friends. And he wouldn't leave.....he stayed until around 1 am that night and I had to literally MAKE HIM LEAVE. I know that this may appear bitter and mean, but it was really awful!

****the point is this. Girls love attention...but it has to be given in an indirect, secretive, smooth way in the beginning...or she's just going to get annoyed and feel smothered. There is a time and place for all of the other super romantic extreme Valentines days...but don't whip that stuff out until you know she will be comfortable with it. It put me over the edge and we haven't seen each other since. Georgia Stitt wrote a song called "SHE" which I think communicates who women want to be treated. I will post lyrics when I receive them.

And Happy Valentines Day! :) <3

Thoughts on Birds...

2009-02-05T06:24:00.000-08:00

I watch birds a lot now...Yeah thats right, I've become a "birdwatcher." I currently have the privilege of spending my mornings in this beautiful house, and I have remained fairly consistent about filling our bird feeder each morning. Today, it is too cold for them even to come out from their little nestles for food! Its 18 degrees--which is cold even for these native Virginian birds. Most days, however, it has been a joy to observe such creatures. I can recognize the cardinals...but I really can't decipher the other kinds...maybe I should get a book on Birdwatching...

I have realized, however, how incredibly miserable the life of a woodpecker must be. Can you imagine? Using your face? Your most precious and valuble part of your body(some may beg to differ) to continually hack away at bark on a tree, a living tree, in hopes of discovering some kind of insect in which to feed upon? No hands, no can-openers, just...pecking...bark on a tree...it just looks so tedious and awful...I pity the poor creatures. I suppose, however, if I had an incredibly strong and powerful beak, and grew up seeing my mother repetitively hitting her face against a tree looking for worms, I might do the same.

But, if I were a clever wood pecker, I'd take notice to the convenient feeder down near the humans home...and eat that janx up!

I wanna be apart of it, New York, New York

2009-01-19T17:32:00.000-08:00

So, I got home from New York this afternoon, tired from a whirlwind of activity that occurred throughout this past weekend. I had the great fortune of seeing 4 really great shows, three Broadway shows and one off Broadway show. This is my second time doing this kind of thing in New York. I'm acquainted with a successful travel agent man who takes me and some other girls to New York. I am the luckiest girl! After every performance, we had the privilege of going backstage and meeting the cast of each show, well at least part of the cast. I was shocked with how well the performers treated everyone. There was an abundance of positive energy abounding from the actors throughout each show, and I think that kind of environment is essential when putting on such a spectacle. They treated each other so well, too. I couldn't help but imagine myself in a similar situation someday. I think it would be so fabulous to contribute to such an environment. Being in a show is quite an experience because one spends large quantities of time with a small group of people. Everyone's layers are revealed under the multitude of circumstances that an ensemble faces. It is imperative to keep a positive and healthy attitude to maintain that environment that allows for the most creativity and experience in a performance. Everyone is equally accountable for maintaining that positive atmosphere...its both a responsibility and a discipline.

I also really appreciated how there is no star/celebrity paparazzi deal going on in NYC...how refreshing! Being in LA all summer, there was so much of that...obnoxious, really. In New York, however, the immensely talented actors finish their performances and walk out the stage door into the night. Their identity does not need to be concealed, because no one is following them with cameras. They are on the same level as everyone else. Marvelous

Right now

2009-01-05T18:20:00.000-08:00

So, its been a while since I've written in my OWN blog--I've been too busy writing for all kinds of other blogs, I'm in such high demand...actually thats a complete exaggeration, I've been slightly involved in one other blog...and no one cares that much! Anyways, I found myself writing in that one this evening, and feeling as though I couldn't really write with the freedom that I desire. So, here I am...back, and still quite naive.

Right now, I am sitting at my family's computer half listening in on something quite interesting. My father has organized an entire board of members for my younger brother's hockey team. They are currently meeting about 10 or so feet from my little self. I'm trying to gain something by observing these middle aged adults communicate with one another. I had no idea how much these people cared about high school hockey! And I don't say that to poke fun(although its slightly inevitable) but I am literally shocked with how this meeting is going! They have been here for two hours discussing strategies for how to make this year "a successful year." They've spoken in somewhat hushed and very serious tones, using good communication skills, and an articulate responses to one another. Wow men are so funny sometimes...My dad just asked one of the men about another team. In the most concerned, sincere tone, another board member(aka hockey dad) carefully chose his words: "we have some footage, actually, of the other team, that I'd like for you to see...their defense is...well, lets just say its pretty solid."

haha wowwww I love it!

Things that are bothering me today.

2008-06-13T13:00:00.000-07:00

I'm usually not one to complain, or even think negative thoughts. But today, my friends, I find myself with an incredibly irritable disposition. Therefore, to perhaps reduce my irritation and aggravation, I'm going to articulate what exactly has been ticking me off, so to speak, in this blog. I know you don't care, but I don't care that you don't care either. SO THERE

1. I can't listen to 97.1 Wash FM anymore. This is the radio station that is usually good about mediating between extreme genres of music, but, its been played all week long, and I am so SICK OF THE SONGS!!! My ears are relieved to the sweet sweet sounds of...commercials...yes, thats how bad it is. There is one song, you probably know the name, where a woman with a holds this really high belt pitch for about 5 whole minutes...I'm not even exaggerating. Its horrible, and is played too often.

2. There are a few characters in this office whose personalities have become rather...tantalizing and hard to bear. On Monday, this one particular woman who works here is absolutely a gem. She is very sweet, loving, and all those other good qualities. But today, I really became concerned with her sanity. Today she started laughing hysterically and muttering to herself strange things. She also wears a freaky wig. I suppose you could say "she doesn't wear well." yikes....

3. There are about 45 microscopic little fly babies just beginning to fly around. Some are playing with other flies. Others, I must say are flirting with one another and playing mind games or something, because they become more aggressive. How do I terminate these awful creatures?

4. I've written about 20 people in California, in attempts to get a job or at least an interview so I can work there while I perform for a dinky regional theatre during the month of August. I literally sit at my computer all day hoping someone will write an email to me. I've heard nothing positive, besides one man who, after viewing my pictures, said this: "I DONT REALLY DO INTERVIEWS, THEY ARE TOO FORMAL,SO I'M UP FOR MEETING UP WITH YOU SOMETIME IN A FUN PLACE. I LIVE IN HUNTINGTON BEACH. WHERE ARE YOU?" Yep, all caps. hmmmm....does my picture give off "I'm EASY and STUPID" vibes?

5. I'm annoyed with people who call this place and decide to give me every detail of their miserable plant situation, and expect me to solve all their problems. I'm sorry that your hydrangea's leaves have become discolored...but when I connect you to the Garden Center, thats really a good thing, since I don't even know the difference between an annual and perennial. I'm also not aware of the whereabouts of every landscape designer every minute of the day. Maybe someday I'll become omniscient, but I'm just still too young for that kind of responsibility people!

6. I guess I'm just tired of sitting down all day long for 40 hours this week staring at a computer screen.

7. I want the entire world at my feet to dance upon, immediately. I am becoming more and more aware that this is not an easy task.

Wow I feel so much better! I'm really glad I got that off my chest. I just bought a sunflower for my dad for father's day, and billy joel came on the radio, so that is okay by me. Time for the weekend!

What is this world coming to?

2008-06-11T07:05:00.000-07:00

Ok so at the library yesterday, I literally saw a young child at the age of 8 or so, watching Lil' Wayne's music video for "Lollipop." REALLY?? He's just a child and he's being exposed to some of the most vulgar lyrics and images in the hip hop world. I might say though, the song is very catchy. But I'm 21 years old! 8 years old is way too young to be exposed to such graphic sexually explicit lyrics and images. I wonder how watching these music videos and listening to rap music will affect the decisions he makes as he grows up...thoughts? Check out this video and let me know

Fear of comittment

2008-06-11T05:41:00.000-07:00

Good morning.

Last night, as we sat around a table in a local cafe, my three friends and I discussed both the woes and highlights of experiencing life in our particular segment of life...the young adult, early professional, post-college, pre-career, rather awkward stage of life.

We've grown up in an extremely competitive environment, where we have been ingrained to believe that we are literally capable of anything we put our minds to. Therefore, all of us have constructed different ideals and high aspirations for our futures, one wants to work in New York City with a successful PR career, the other I believe wants to be a successful writer--read by millions around the world! I want to perform in professional productions. With these goals in mind, its come to the point where we have to actually do the work to achieve these things, and quite frankly, its certainly not as easy as our early educators made it seem. My elementary school slogan was "Believe and Achieve." Well shoot, if I only had to believe, that would be just splendid! Unfortunately, we are realizing that it takes a Hell of a lot more than merely "believing" to make our dreams come true.

We are suddenly faced with life-altering, big girl decisions to make. Questions such as: "Where would be the best location to live?" or "Is it better to take a job that will pay less but may help me in my future, or take a job that pays more but may not have anything with what I want to do?" and "What do I really want to do" is probably the freakiest question that I think weighs upon all of our shoulders at this stage in life! Are these goals and aspirations actually realistic? How much work is it going to take? Do I always have to wake up so early? The mind reels at the thought of how many steps it may take to get to where we want to be, and whether or not its worth it to do all of those steps to get there....I nearly dread it

A THEORY: This future is similar to marriage to me. Its going to take time to figure out exactly the right path, the right job, the right location, but in order to find the best and most appropriate job situation.(or that perfect partner) Therefore, it takes commitment to that person, or at least commitment to the search process. Its also important that to stay focused on committing to one goal, and not to stop committing to the search process until I find myself in a place where I say to myself "okay, this is where I want to be." Unfortunately, this may take years. And then, that place or situation will require full commitment to become even more successful and gratified with life. Similar to marriage, when I do find someone who I feel is best for me, and I am best for him, its going to require complete commitment to him in order for that to flourish and become a lifelong relationship.

The committing thing, however, is frightening and overwhelming to me, and all the work that goes along with it. But, I am convinced that a goal oriented focused and disciplined lifestyle is required to accomplish things that are still merely dreams in my mind. Is it worth it? Well I think it may be...

You better work.

2008-06-10T05:59:00.000-07:00

So, I cannot even describe how incredibly liberating and joyous it was to be driving on the 5 North towards Los Angeles from Rancho Santa Margarita in California this past week. I was driving in a 1995 faded and cracked gray dodge caravan, with a small tropical bird wind chime dangling from the rear view mirror. My window was down, and I had music blasting in a dull and fuzzy fashion lacking in some serious quality, but still so appropriate. For some reason, Los Angeles is such an exciting place to me. The sun is consistently shining, everyone drives fast, not because he or she is late but because its just the cool thing to do. Everyone smiles a lot there. Did I mention the nice weather? Of course I know its not perfect, but something about it, the vibe I receive when I go there...its just intriguing, and always leaves me wanting more california.

During my stay in LA, I spent several days covering the entire Los Angeles area, moving from one audition to another, showing off my skills as a performer, anticipating judgments, and getting about an equal amount of both negative and positive feedback from my subjective judges. After a humbling week, I've decided that if I want to perform professionally, I need to become significantly more of a professional in my field. This will require extreme discipline, something of which I am not extremely familiar.

I suppose part of me figured it'd be a fantastic Hollywood-like experience, that you hear about from the old stars. The kind of experience where I'd walk into an audition, and the cast directors would look to each other and whisper "YES, now THAT is what we've been looking for!" Right? I mean, who doesn't dream of being "discovered"? That may sound vain but don't deny your secret fantasies of making headline news or drawing attention from the finest and most exclusive leaders in the entertainment industry.

Alas, after experiencing first hand what real life hardcore professional show auditions are like, I am faced with the challenge: to become even better. I need to work a lot harder on my own time, and become skilled enough to compete with that one girl who came to that audition and strutted up to that small X on the studio floor with such confidence and poise, she ran that joint. Competition is fierce.

The real world is tough, especially the entertainment industry. Who knows if I'll even get out alive, but I'm not quitting, not yet. I'm determined to perform. I'm determined to do something great in this life, not for myself, but for all thats been given to me.

Thoughts on flowers.

2008-05-30T07:04:00.001-07:00

Good morning,

Well, here I am once more, receptionin' at the good ol' Campbell and Ferrara Garden and Landscaping center. It is an absolutely gorgeous day, yet I can only experience it through a glass window. Fortunately, its a large window, and sunlight is pouring ins warmth and wonderful light onto my pretend-wooden corner desk in this strangely shaped office. Its strange that although I spend a lot of time in this office, I pay little attention to anything besides this computer in front of me, or the people who talk to me. I just went to the library down the street to check out some books. One of my books is entitled "Plant Life." I'm going to attempt to learn more about plants, and this whole flower craze. Although I enjoy looking at flowers, I can probably list only about ten flower names that I actually know off the top of my head. This what I can think of without any preparation or study: sunflower, "mum," orchid, rose, tea rose, Snap dragon, hydrangea, peonies, lily, lavender, azalea, daisy, hyacinth, carnation...thats all. I'm actually not even sure if a hyacinth is a flower, but it sounds familiar for some reason...SO, in attempts to make the most of this job opportunity, I'm going to invest at least 45 minutes(that may be too optimistic) into learning more about plant life. I suppose that flowers have always enhanced certain living experiences, but I've never given them much time to learn. Flowers are so universally cool though! I just realized that. think of how many paintings, and photographs, and wallpapers/wrapping papers, fabrics, poetry, well shoot even my kleenex box is covered in flower images. What is it about flowers that is so wonderful? I think its because they little splashes of color and energy in an otherwise bleak environment. I mean, trees and grass are beautiful, but they are pretty monochromatic...GREEN. Flowers, on the other hand, bloom in completely vivid, bright, contrasting colors that attract the eye. So, at this company, people have spent thousands of dollars on becoming educated about flowers and pursuing a career in creating a more naturally beautiful environment for just "regular" people.

Here are some quotes on those who feel so strongly about flowers:

A morning-glory at my window satisfies me more than the metaphysics of books. ~Walt Whitman

Flowers are the sweetest things God ever made, and forgot to put a soul into. ~Henry Beecher, Life Thoughts, 1858

Earth laughs in flowers. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson, "Hamatreya"

optimistic realization

2008-05-28T11:56:00.000-07:00

Living in Virginia, I am at mercy of the completely random weather patterns that at times, can change so drastically from day to day, I sometimes become confused as to what time of year it is. The constantly changing weather patterns become wearisome and frustrating especially this time of year, when beautiful weather is so highly anticipated.

Being a receptionist, however, this is actually a positive and helpful characteristic. I've learned that every day the weather has been significantly different from the day before, giving me a great conversation starter for those awkward silences with new clients for the landscaping department. "Can you believe how cold its gotten?" or "The humidity is here!" Are both questions I've asked people who lack the ability to start a conversation of his or her own. Its pretty convenient, actually.

Therefore, despite the practical reasons for NOT liking the inconsistent weather patterns, I've grown to find a positive and optimistic approach to Virginia's climate

A frightening event

2008-05-28T06:02:00.000-07:00

So, last night I did something that was unusual for me. Although I would consider myself a very nonviolent individual, I committed a second degree murder. Now don't be too shocked and alarmed because the murder was committed upon a cock roach. After a very long day of work and exercise, I got home and proceeded to take a shower. Finally at ease in the hot and steamy environment, my muscles were loosening up, I was relaxing, everything was nice. Suddenly, as I looked up towards the shower head, I was alarmed to noticed an ugly brownish winged creature creeping his way down the wall of the shower. I was enraged. Who did he think he was? Not only was it bad enough to invade my family's home, but to enter the most private and personal location of the house? I am usually very accepting of insects, and respect of their existence, but this was just not acceptable. I immediately began conspiring his termination. Without hesitation, I directed the water from the shower upon mr. cockroach so he landed on the floor of the shower. Not the brightest idea to begin the process... Now he was closer than ever and he was alive and furiously wiggling, not phased by the water. I then added more water, and he kind of started to dwindle a little bit. This was not enough though, because the more water I added, the more frustrated he got and gave more effort into surviving. He continued to walk about the floor and I noticed that he had wings as well, and as soon as those wings dried off, I was certain that he'd instantly fly up to me and destroy my vulnerable innocent body. It was time to take more drastic measures. I quickly dried myself then raided the cabinet for toxic substances. I found two Anti-bacterial, bleach cleaners. Perfect. I sprayed the spasmodically fighting bug and waited about 8 seconds for the substances to hopefully end this horrible creature's life. Unfortunately, it still survived! How could this be? How was this dirty evil thing so incredibly resilient? Amidst my desperate idea search for new ways to destroy the roach, something great happened. The bug squirmed so much that it flipped over onto its back. Although the legs were shaking and squirming uncontrollably, they suddenly stopped...and then they started writhing again in small bursts, every 6 seconds or so. I knew that the deed was almost done. He was finally dying. I hastened the process by oozing out gobs of Germ-X onto the now feeble soggy shell of a cockroach. "DIE ALREADY" I angrily shouted at the thing.

His movements became slower and softer, and death creeped over him the way he had creeped into my shower. Now that I was subdued from the fright and anxiety of such an invasive creature, I suddenly realized how incredibly preoccupied I had become with this little insect. Covered in comet, Lysol, and now Germ X, I could barely see the once brown colored carcass. I laughed out loud. How incredibly ridiculous I was over this little most likely harmless creature. Wow...

I carefully placed the diseased bug into the toilet and he spiraled off into the deep abyss, an environment that suits a cock roach well.

Alright so I definitely over reacted to the cock roach's interruption of my shower...but what would you do?

Roll out those lazy hazy crazy days of.......

2008-05-27T05:19:00.000-07:00

Well Good Morning!

Memorial day has come and passed. This holiday maintains significance because of its ability to somehow declare Summer's arrival just by simply allowing everyone to spend a day off from work, with his or her families, and participate in the good ol' "summertime" activities. I realize that is not Memorial Day's initial reason for existence, but I find that is how American culture has somewhat adapted it to celebrate the commencement of any normal person's favorite season--summer! Of course, summer is the best time of year. Because of its time of the year, and the day off from work, it makes for the perfect day to "bring in tha SUMMAAA"(i'm a huge fan of summer)

Well, I suppose that there are two other weeks or time segments during a Virginian year that come in close comparison. One, is those few weeks of Autumn when the leaves have turned to passionate flames of color, and there is that crisp little bite in the air, and you're watching a competitive football game with those who are dear to you, but there is still warmth, yes those are great days. And then there is Christmas time...another personal fav.

But, with Memorial Day propelling excitement for summertime, I'm going to stay focused on that and not think about the other times of year. It's all about summer now. Last night our family played a game of Bocce ball in our front yard. Bocce ball is a great lawn game because its simple, easily accessible and, and competitive to a certain healthy extent. Of course my family take the competitive part a little too far, especially my older brother Jonathan. Somehow, I'm not sure how, my team lost because our grandma came out and joined the other team. Yes, that's right, I got beat by my grandma! How did that happen? We then ate delicious juicy cheeseburgers with homemade potato salad, and sweet pickles. After dinner we proceeded to set off fireworks that my brothers have purchased from various trips to South of the Border, and local fireworks stands. To end the evening, I found a little toad right on the front doorstep waiting to make his arrival into my life. My dad kept encouraging me to kiss him in case he'd turn into a prince. I'm not that desperate, dad.

Anyways, it was an enchanting evening indeed, a perfect way to introduce hot nights, eating outside, the screened in porch, toads, bare feet, and of course, mosquitoes. Summer nights are when the real fun and excitement exists, anyways. At least in Virginia.

And now, I sit behind my desk, at the landscaping office in Annandale. Fortunately my computer is crowned with a beautiful pink and yellow orchid. Its actually yellow with pink veins, or something...orchid blood must be pink. There is an indoor garden fountain about 2 feet from my desk so every time I drink anything, I immediately feel the need to use the restroom.

move yo body like a cyclooooneee

at "work"

2008-05-26T10:44:00.000-07:00

It's funny to me how many jobs do not require much work. Mine, for example. I am currently a receptionist/assistant at a landscaping company aka "flower nursery" where professional designers charge exorbitant amounts of money to design the outdoor property of people's homes. Its actually quite fascinating how complex and beautiful some of these designs can become, so I have a healthy amount of respect for landscapers. And there are so many flowers that exist!! I had no idea! I got to venture out into the property today, and meet some lovely little flowers. One time in my life I had a garden. It was a beautiful and healthy garden.

I sit right near the entrance of the "landscaping office" with a sweet computer in front of me, and I answer the phones and do random tasks for the designers and other people who work here, and maintain a calm, cheerful, and helpful disposition in order to make this office a better place. Today, I'd guesstimate that about 63.9% of my time has been spent just meandering through the Internet...learning new things, reading blogs and such, oh and facebook of course. One thing I gathered from exploring new websites was how many great things there are to be done on earth. I figured that I need to make at least 5 million dollars to do the main things that I want to do...realistic? hopefully...

My sweet father came today to purchase some flowers. Is it weird that I think my family is better than everyone elses? Well, there is one other family that is in close competition...But besides, that, I am such a huge fan of everyone in my immediate family. Anyone who meets us would probably agree. My dad, for example, is just a really great guy. He confidently walks into the office, so proud of me. I'm working as a receptionist for a nursery and he treats me as his pride and joy. He's so friendly and warm, and always making a joke. And my brothers? My older brother is pretty much the coolest guy in DC. Last night he had a barbecue at his house and invited me to come. I get so excited when my brother invites me to anything because I look up to him so much, and he's so much fun to hang out with. His friends are interesting as well. He works on the hill with all these intellectual political people, who lack social skills, but I find their quirky awkwardness endearing so I really enjoy spending time with them. Also, its important to spend time with people who are different from you. Sometimes its difficult to find things to say to people who lack personality, and conversation skills. Doesn't it seem like there are some people who there is just absolutely NOTHING to talk about? Its even more unfortunate when you're talking to a good looking guy/girl, and you want so badly for him or her to just maintain the conversation with the greatest of ease, and he or she is nothing more than a pretty face and chiseled figure...so disappointing. That may or may not have happened last night...

i'm going to change that percentage to 90% now....